Oh, That I were an Angel

December 18, 2011

A few scripture verses I read earlier this week in my personal study:

"Oh, that I were an angel, and could have the wish of my heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me." Alma 29:1-3

My personal rewrite to apply the verses to my own life:

"Oh, that I were an elder, and could have the wish of my heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God for two whole years...But behold, I am a sister, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the eighteen months which the Lord hath allotted unto me."

Just something kinda funny that I realized this week. Sister missionaries are assigned to serve for 18 months, while elders get 2 years. For much of my mission, I was honestly jealous of the elders and the extra 6 months that they get to spend as a missionary. After reading these verses though, I realized I must be content with the time that I have and just use it as best as I can. Besides- my mom would probably kill me if I told her I was staying for an extra 6 months.

On another note. This week was totally amazing. We had several wonderful lessons and were able to find many individuals that we had been looking for. One thing I really love doing in each area is getting to know the people who are already members of the church, especially those who haven't been able to attend in a while. Sometimes these people are very difficult to find, I can't just see them at church and ask where their house is. My companion and I set aside a few hours this week to try to find some of these people and get to know them a little bit better. We headed out with a prayer for assistance and faith that we would be able to locate them.

The first people we asked directed us to a nearby tsunggi, telling us the tag-iya might know where they live (definitions: tsunggi- small store, tag-iya- owner). The tag-iya didn't know very many of them besides the one who happened to live next door, but sitting in front of the tsunggi was a sweet old man who walked up to me and said, "I'm a member" (yes- in English). He was really excited to see the missionaries again, showed us where he lives, introduced us to his wife, and then his wife came along to show us where some other members live. It was so much fun. The wife even came to church this week! They are a sweet old couple. I love this work; I'm so very grateful for my chance to be a part of it.

Ingat, Halong, Andam, Dahan, and Take Care.

Another Zone Conference

December 11, 2011

For the Christmas season, we had a combined zone conference with the Iloilo North zone, complete a with Christmas presentation, gift exchange, and typical missionary training. It was a wonderful experience.

In President Pagaduan's opening remarks, he taught about how important it is to pick what we listen to and not just listen to everything that is offered to us in this world. As individuals, we are surrounded by voices that guide us, teach us, and encourage us to do better. Unfortunately, we are also surrounded by those who desire to do us harm, to lead us astray, and those who are ever telling us that we are insignificant and incapable. Those who sit back as impassive listeners and allow every message to enter their thoughts often end up confused and uncertain. We must choose which voices really matter to us, which wants we want to hear and which ones we want to ignore so that we can be guided to where we desire to be. We must also make an effort to be the sort of voice that can reliably be listened too. Are we harshly criticizingly those around us, telling them they are of no worth? Or are we doing our best to lift and help those near to us, even through a medium as simple as what we are saying? Words really are so important. For example, each of you takes time out of your day to fill your thoughts with the words I write, just little black words, but they are important enough that you keep reading. I hope that I'm doing my best to lift you up.

These thoughts bring back a memory from a few months ago. As my companion and I were waiting to meet with someone, a lady pulled up in her car. The windows were rolled down and her radio was blaring to loudly to continue conversation. I've honestly never heard a more degrading or vulgar song, let alone one being played loud enough to hear from miles away. I did my best to avoid listening to the song when I noticed a child- 4 or 5 years in age- singing along with the song, familiar with the words and tune, it was obviously a song that they had heard many times. There are so many children in our lives, and they are so greatly influenced by what they hear. Unlike grown adults, they have little control of what they are listening to and how it effects them. Sadly, there are individuals who choose to listen to that which does not lift and inspire us and expose these young spirits to all of it.

We are living in a world where the television and the radio are ever increasingly screaming messages that take us away from that which is good and beautiful. Some day, probably not too many years in the future, I will have young children of my own, exposed to all that the world has to offer. Many of you may as well. Do we really want our children living in this world where that which is good is degraded till it becomes nearly disgusting and that which is vulgar is posted on walls and played on the radios? I don't. Yet what can one girl do against the world. I'm really not sure... but it only takes one to make a difference. It only takes one to stand up, and maybe some of you will choose to stand with me, and maybe the world that lies in our future can be better than the one we currently have, instead of worse. What are we willing to do?

Kun magtawas kita sa pagtindog, basi may magbago...

Transfers Again!

December 4, 2011

I'll be completely honest with you, I don't really like transfers. They make the time feel like it's flying by ever faster and it often takes away from me that which I love. I either lose an amazing companion, or I leave an amazing area. No matter what, something which I love is no longer with me. Friday was a transfer day and my companion and I were nearly certain that she was transferring. As the day approached, the words to a song ran through my head almost unceasingly- it's one of those songs that really applies to the life of a missionary.

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before.
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war.
Pick a star on the dark horizon and
Follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye.
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye.
(From "The Call" by Regina Spektor: Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian)

How does this apply to transfers and missions? In this last transfer, everything changed, Sister McBride and I are no longer companions, she is no longer here. It was like that before however, because before September we weren't companions, and before June she wasn't in Antique. Missions sometimes really feel like a war. We don't have guns or swords, but we fight against the forces of the devil as we try to help others to come unto Christ. The one thing that helps most is to know who your friends are, to know that there are people at home who love you and pray for you, to know that- though you'll be separated- you and your previous companion will still be friends, to know that there are people standing beside you and fighting with you. Finally, we are blessed with a light to follow, a star on the horizon, our Savior, Jesus Christ. He leads this work and he promises us that we will never be left alone in the dark. As my companion left, we did not say goodbye- we said see you later, because after this is all over, we'll come back.

Part of life is the changing, the moving on, the growth. We pass the test and we head on to the next grade, one step closer to graduation and going home to the Father in Heaven who loves us so very much. Along the way, we meet friends who stand beside us and with us. One of those has just left me, and God has blessed me with another in her place. My transfers race by faster than I can think and my heart breaks as I realize that I only have 4 left. I avoid thinking about it and pray that the time will slow down so I can breathe before I climb on that plane, everything changes, and so many things go back to being the way they were before.

Halong Kamo

This Week's Miracle

November 27, 2011

As anticipated, the trials and troubles have not receded in the slightest. That does not mean, however, that we haven't had a great time. This week, we've even had a few little miracles that just made the week worth while.

The first occurred on Friday. Sister Rowena is one of the members whom we've helped to reactivate this past transfer. Though a little scared, she agreed to work with us on Friday. We told her we would meet her at her house at 1:30. When we showed up, however, her mom said that she had already gone to the church to meet us there. We rushed to the church as fast as we could praying that she would still be there waiting for us when we got there. Yet when we arrived there was no Sister Rowena. My companion wanted to return to her house, figuring she would have gone back, but for some reason I felt certain that if we went all the way back, we would return again empty handed. I felt we needed to check at a nearby member's home. I had seen Sister Rowena leave with this member on Sunday and I felt certain everything would work out if we just went there. We arrived at the members house to find Sister Rowena sitting on their couch and watching for us through the front window. We had a wonderful day of work with her and, even more importantly, she had a great time.

The other miracle we had was with Sister Besita, someone we've been teaching. She is the person I was referring to last week when I said that our investigator had a stroke. She wanted to come to church with us last week, but when we showed up at her house, her son told us that she was in the hospital due to a recent stroke. It was minor, fortunately, and she was released from the hospital on Tuesday. We visited her again this week and she expressed that she wanted to come to church with us if she was feeling good enough. We hoped and prayed all week that she would recover enough to attend with us. When we got to her house Sunday morning, she was ready and waiting for us outside their house. She had such a wonderful time at church!

Well, those are the fun experiences for the week. Hope yours has been great too!

Palangga Ko Kamo,

Friends!

November 20, 2011

The lyrics to one of my favorite TV show theme songs:

So no one told you life was gonna be this way. (clap 4 times)
Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. But...
I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

You're still in bed at ten, and work began at eight.
You've burned your breakfast, so far, things are going great.
Your mother warned you they'd be days like these,
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees that...
I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me.
Seems like you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me.
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with,
Someone I'll always laugh with, even at my worst, I'm best with you.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

This is probably the best description of the last two transfers. My companion and I are great friends. We help each other laugh, we tell each other jokes, and we support each others. And we've been doing all of this through nearly three months of wanting to cry and feeling like we're about to fall down and fall hard. I mentioned a few weeks ago of hoping that our string of unfortunate circumstances would soon be ending. I've come to the conclusion, however, that the unending problems that began at the beginning of our companionship will continue till the end. The strangest thing is that none of it is caused by our companionship. We are great friends and if we didn't have each other I think we would have both gone crazy. Our trials instead take the form of drunk men trying to ask for our number, dogs eating our stuff, getting sick, people stealing stuff out of my companion's backpack, investigators having strokes, recent converts becoming seriously ill for weeks, and I could go on but probably shouldn't because this blog would be incredibly depressing if I did so. In essence, these last three months have been the hardest of my mission, but I've been blessed with a companion who embodies the above lyrics and I try to do the same for her.

In the midst of our problems and challenges, we have felt very alone. Circumstances and such often leave us feeling as though she and I stand together as the devil throws everything he has at us. As trial after trial buffets our lives we cannot help but feel exhausted- physically, mentally, and emotionally. When you spend the hours between 6:30 and 8 in the morning discovering that the phone and my companion's wallet have both gone missing and that an amazing investigator who wanted to come to church is now in the hospital because she had a stroke (and in addition to all that, she had the stroke because her son was in a drunk rage and breaking their house, and all the grandchildren happen to have the chicken pox right now) and then you have to rush to church and look like nothing is wrong, it can leave one feeling as though the weekly allotment of emotional energy for the week is already gone despite the clock reading 8 am on Sunday morning. I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can keep pushing though all of this. I hope and pray that it will all stop before I do.

Despite all this, we really have been doing our best to keep an optimistic attitude. We know that the Lord stands with us and will strengthen us to survive what we are facing. My experiences leave me thinking of a story in the Book of Mormon. The story is of Nephi and his brothers. They are sent to retrieve what is known as the Brass Plates from a wicked man named Laban. The first two attempts to retrieve the plates results in their stuff being stolen, nearly being killed, and being chased out of the city by Laban's armies. The older brothers insist on giving up at this point and going home, but Nephi wants to continue for they have been commanded of God to acquire the plates. The brothers respond that they are just 4 boys and the armies of Laban will kill them if they return. Nephi's response is as such, "Let us go up again unto Jerusalem, and let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; for behold, he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even than his tens of thousands?" (1 Nephi 4:1). The Lord is mightier than all the earth. He is mightier than all the forces of Satan that try to drag my companion and I down. All the forces of lonesomeness, abandonment, sickness, and distress can do nothing against the power of the Lord. If I must, I will stand alone against all that is against me because I know that I'm not truly alone. Standing beside me are my companion and the Lord, even if no one else, and the three of us (as long as we make sure that we have the Lord with us) are powerful enough to over come it all.

Halong Kamo!

Doctrine & Covenants 63:66

November 14, 2011

Last week, I shared about our long chain of difficulties and trials, as well as expressing the hope that they would all be over with the new week. I must have forgotten to knock on wood or something because the difficulties have not let up one bit. They don't really need to all be repeated and remembered, so instead I would like to share something I learned this week in my scripture study that probably wouldn't have been nearly as interesting if I hadn't been dealing with so much in my life.

Trials, of course, our given to us in life to help us to develop and become something better. We learn patience, endurance, and humility as we learn to trust in the Lord as we work through our challenges. This week, I learned another reason Heavenly Father blesses us with challenges in our lives. Doctrine and Covenants 63:66 reads "These things remain to overcome through patience, that such may receive a more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, otherwise, a greater condemnation. Amen." Our trials are not just to change us and mold us while we are in this life, but Heavenly Father gives us trials so that we might have a greater reward in the life to come. I thought of this much like students in school. Teachers who love their students give them tests. Though tests are difficult and sometimes obnoxious, the process of preparing for and succeeding at a test helps strengthen the student. These tests don't just help the student during their at school life. As they truly work hard, they are blessed with more opportunities and a better job for the life that starts after high school.

So, that's what I've learned this week. Although the challenges haven't let up, despite life still being difficult, Heavenly Father loves me. In fact, it is his love for me that is the cause. If I never had to fight and grow and struggle on my mission, I would walk off the airplane at the end of my mission and not be any better than I was when I left. I'm meant for something better than that.

As a side note: for those of you who are unaware, I have big exciting news! My older brother got married this week. It is strange to think that for the first time in my life I've got a sister, I've never had one before (just best friends who I call sisters). Sometimes, it's really strange to sit and remember that life really is continuing forward and changing for everyone I know back home. I don't usually hear much about it, so sometimes I forget. I'm so excited for my brother though, taking another step and starting his own family. Life is great!

Tanan kang pagpalangga ko kanimo! Tani mayad ang semana nyo prehas kanakon. Nagakadlo ako bangod bakot nyo namaan kun ano hinambalan nga ginausar ko. Nahidlow ko kamo!

Mom's note - I asked Elora what that meant and this was her reply - It says "all my love to you. Hope your week was as good as mine. I'm laughing because you don't know which language I'm using (which happens to be kinaray-a). I miss all of you!" a more literal translation "all my love to you. Hope good week yours like mine. Laughing I because don't you know what language is using me. miss I you all. (I love literal translations)

A Series of Unfortunate Events

November 6, 2011

That basically summarizes what our week has been like. As each problem was solved, it seemed as though three more grew in it's place. The good news is that they are now all solved and it doesn't appear as though too many more will appear in the upcoming week.

Monday and Tuesday were both holidays here in the Philippines. Tuesday being a holiday to honor the dead. Everyone goes to the cemeteries to visit their loved ones. We were advised to be extra careful and safe and to avoid cemeteries. This is somewhat difficult to do in San Jose A as the center of our area consists of three large cemeteries that are all right next to each other. In addition to this, all of our appointments for Tuesday happened to be in the center of our area. We spent the afternoon walking through all the back paths and woods in order to avoid walking past the cemetery. Despite this, the path to nearly all of our appointments was blocked by large parties, celebration, and drunk men. After a great deal of frustration, we decided the safest thing for two American girls to do with the population of drunk men so high was to go home before it got dark. So this is what we did, and we enjoyed the evening by getting stuff done around the house and talking.

This is where the unfortunate-ness starts: My companion grabbed two towels she bought the day before to wash them out so she could use them. These towels happened to be red, and they turned the water bright orange. So we started another rinse, and then another, and determined that the water (and our skin) was just getting more orange with each wash. The other sisters came home and mentioned how it seemed "sabad" had gotten into our stuff again. Sabad is the nickname of an obnoxious dog who likes to get into our yard and mess with our stuff. (Sabad=annoying). The week before we asked the owner to fix the hole in the fence that the dog had been getting through, and we thought she had, but apparently we thought wrong. We went outside to see what happened to discover that the dog had eaten two shoes (from different pairs of course), a hammock, and a pillow- my companions special, feather-down, hypoallergenic pillow. Another lovely problem to solve.

The week was spent talking to the owner, getting things replaced, fixing holes in fences, and trying to return the die-filled towels. (the stores return policy is within 7 days, so we couldn't wait till the next p-day). None of these activities were easy or short in time span. Over all, it was a very stressful week. Fortunately, the tag-iya (filipino for owner) agreed to giving us money so a new pillow could be sent to my companion, the towels have been returned, and the holes are no longer in the fences. No more obnoxious dogs eating our stuff and hopefully no more problems to deal with.

On a happier note: On Thursday we meet a really cool guy named Jeornel (pronounced like journal). His wife is a member and he said that he sometimes thought about going to church but was embarrassed because he didn't have nice clothing. We told him that the dress code at our church was only to where your best and whatever that was, it would be good enough. He continued to express some concern, but said he would do his best to be there. Sunday, he actually came to church! It's true, he wasn't in black slacks and a tie like many men at church where, but I'm certain that he found his best to wear and he looked great. He even said that he would come again next week and wants to learn more about the church. I always feel so blessed when Heavenly Father lets us meet those individuals who are ready for the Gospel and recognize that the Gospel is what we have to offer them.

Love you all!