I have had an epiphany - one which takes the form of a metaphor.
Life is a walk through an unknown cave. I believe, for the most part, you walk with a candle (Something I don't recommend; if you are actually walking through a cave, you should have a much better light source). The candle allows you to see, even if just a little, into your future. You can't make out everything, but you get the gist of what life will be like for the next little while. For example, when you start high school - you have an idea of what the next year will be like, though you can't see the details each day will bring.
Of course, the candle only gives you a general idea of what may happen. You may approach an opening in the cave wall which you choose to slip through and discover entirely new options. You may realize that the darkness ahead of you tapers out into a dead end and you have to back track. Or you might need to press forward as the cave narrows to a small tunnel, progressing on scraped knees, focused only on not hitting your head as you struggle to progress.
At times, you have more than a candle. A flash-light clearly illuminates the details of the next week, not necessarily helping you see further, but clearer, with a better ability to anticipate what is ahead of you. You just got the internship you were hoping for and you can envision the next three months ahead of you - including that steep climb as you go through training the first week.
Other times, the candle grows dim. You barely make out the next step, crouching to ensure that the darkness near your feet is shadows instead of a pit. Each day is a cautious walk, not even sure if you want to find out what is up ahead.
Christ has offered to be your guide as you make your way through this cave. He wants you to learn, to feel free to explore, and to decide your own path at each fork. Christ walks the path which he knows is best for you and give you the chance to follow. He has already walked this path, struggling through the narrow tunnels, suffering up the steep climbs, so that he might help you. And he glows with his own light so that you may always see him, no matter how dim your light may be.
Now here is where I must learn from my own metaphor:
I had learned to walk with the light of my candle. I occasionally bumped my head on an unexpected stalactite, or took a detour to avoid a steep drop, but I knew what was ahead of me. I went into work, I helped the customers, and I came home and spent time with friends. And I knew that the next day and week and month would all bring the same thing.
Then I encountered the unexpected. My cave intersected with someone else's. He and I walked together for a while - our two candles better illuminating the cave around me. My future still looked the same, but I could better see the beauties I walked past that made each day unique.
We decided to combine our candles, to make one lantern and hold it together. That lantern gave me so much clarity. Suddenly, I saw the many great promises God has blessed me, and the path ahead was so well illuminated that I could run towards them and I began to eagerly.
But my worst fear happened. He decided he didn't want to carry the lantern with me. I couldn't hold it on my own. It fell. It broke. And I was left in total darkness.
For a short time, I tried to feel out the way before me. But I ran into boulders and fell into pits and I didn't want to risk any more pain. So I sat down and closed my eyes. I believed there was nothing to see, so I didn't even try to look. I felt nothing, I did nothing, and I got nowhere.
Weeks later - I finally opened my eyes. And I saw my Savior waiting patiently in front of me, waiting for me to look to him again. His eyes were filled with sympathy for my pain as he sat there in the dark with me. But they were also filled with pleading that I would trust him again. He said simply, "I don't expect you to run, or even jog, but I expect you to move. Everything still awaits you; you must move toward it. I know you cannot see it now, but it is still there."
He helped me to stand and begin moving again. I wouldn't yet say that I've found my candle again, but Christ walks with me and illuminates what I need to see. I can't see far ahead. The hard climbs and steep falls approach suddenly and without warning. But Christ stays with me - even on the days I only manage a step or two.
Faith is looking to him. It is a habit developed when you have your own light and can see the path which he leads, then relied upon when your own light is weak and you need His light to see anything at all. Faith is keeping your eyes open despite the darkness.
Hope is knowing that the things you once saw are still in front of you. Hope is following Christ and trusting that, no matter how many detours or challenges are in the way, He will lead you to the promises you once saw. Hope is knowing that, at the end of everything, Christ is leading you back into the presence of God, when you finally reach the opening to the cave and step out and see with the light of the Sun.
God has not taken anything from me, I'm just moving toward them a little (ok - a lot) slower than I wish I was.
