#30 Cheese

I love cheese. And when I say cheese, I mean real cheese, not this half-plastic American cheese or "cheese whiz" that comes out of an aerosol can. I'm thinking of Gouda, English white cheddar, Muenster, and Havarti.

Each year, on the weekend of President's day, there is a local writing conference.  I'm trying to really get back into writing (fiction and poetry and stuff, not just my blog) so I attended this year to kick-start the creative juices. 

Unfortunately, when the conference started on Thursday, I was working late trying to resolve a few last minute issues. I finally left work and rushed straight to the conference to attend a lecture that I was really interested in, thus missing the opportunity to go home and actually eat. 

After the lecture, and while waiting for another one, I stopped in at a nearby restaurant to grab something to eat. I skimmed the menu and made my decision within seconds. If you've ever been to a restaurant with me, you know that this is incredibly unusual. The waitress returned, took my order, looked at me really funny when I said I was sure all I wanted was an appetizer, and left to get my food.

I didn't have to wait long for my whole evening to be made worth while (even the working late part). On the plate before me was a sliced baguette, two different cheeses, two different meats, a small jar of home-made honey mustard and a bowl of kalamata olives. I couldn't have asked for more. 

#29 - Blue Mornings

For those of you who have been following along, you may have noticed I have an aversion to winter. Other miracles I have so far listed included Roses in November (implying winter hasn't started yet), rain (meaning it's not snowing), being warm inside while it was snowing outside, and more flowers which make me feel like it is springtime in my house (these flowers smell incredible).

I am grateful for these many miracles, but they paint a clear image for my distaste to the cold weather.  Today is along these same lines. I go to work at 7 AM, and for the last many months, my drive has been cold and dark...and sometimes snowy. 

After all my wishing for winter to be over, today was a reminder that winter will always end. It doesn't matter how cold and dark it gets. Regardless of how much snow builds up on the ground, winter ends and the world warms up again. 

As I drove to work, the sky was a clear, pre-sunrise blue. My world is being filled with light again, even if it's just for the 10 minutes it takes me to get to work each morning. It's not yet a full, bright sunrise. The clouds are obviously still covered in snow. But the gradual change from winter to summer has begun and I'm starting to see the signs of it. 

Sometimes, the changes in our life are really sudden and unpredictable. I find these super sudden changes are usually the changes that I never wished happened.  In November, I posted about the roses still blooming. Two days later it began to snow.  It was a quick and sudden end to the vain hope that summer, or at least perhaps fall, could last forever. 

Often, the changes in our life are slow and gradual. This is often the recovery from previously mentioned sudden changes. I wish summer came as quickly as winter did, but the snow melts slowly. The light returns gradually. The world warms up again. And then I discover, just as God promised me in Miracle #6, the scars that were covered and numb under the snow have faded.

#28 - Flowers

Flowers are always a miracle. They are bright and vibrant. They make you feel happy. And they help you imagine that maybe it's warm outside.

Receiving flowers as a gift helps me to feel loved. I often feel a little forgotten. But when I am looking at flowers which someone else thought to get me, I know I can't be forgotten. Obviously they were remembering me if they got me flowers!

#23 - #27 Happy Fire Day

Today's miracle post reflects on many miracles that occurred long ago. Miracles that shook and shattered and shaped various parts of my life.  My family calls February 5th "Fire Day". On February 5th, 2007, just over 10 years ago, our house burnt down.

There is a surreal feeling that comes as you stand in front of your own home, watching the sun set, and realizing you don't know where you will be sleeping that night.  Months, and even years, went by where I would find myself looking for something, only to remember we had lost it. And yet - I call my parents every year and wish them a Happy Fire Day, like I would do on a holiday or their birthdays.

I'm a few days late for the actual Fire day - it's been a pretty busy week - but I wanted to share some of the miracles I've been thinking about this week.

#23 - No one was home. We can all play the 'What If' game and wonder what might have happened if someone was home and called the fire department sooner. But that coin has two sides. What if someone had been home, but taking a nap and unaware of the fire which burned through the roof and walls before breaking into the house.  Everyone was safe. The tragedy of losing our stuff was not deepened by the tragedy of losing a family member.

#24 - Part of the surreal feeling of standing in front of half your house as the firemen pack up their trucks to leave is the questions that fill your mind. Where will we sleep? What's for dinner? What am I going to where to school tomorrow? (I was a teenager - sleep, food, and cloths are really important at 17.) But all my questions were answered. Our insurance company paid for a hotel, the Red Cross gave us money to get toiletries and some clothing, and people from church brought us into their homes and fed us. There were answers to all the most concerning questions.

#25 - My family was surrounded by people who realized our needs before we did. One good friend from church called our insurance company and made sure that they were helping us from the very start.  When we arrived to dinner that first night, we were given fleece blankets and notebooks so we would have a place to write down everything we lost (a request from the insurance company). When we checked into a hotel later that evening, the front desk handed us bags of clothing that people had dropped off for us. You learn to love in a different way when your world suddenly opens its arms to hold you up.

#26 - As a family, this experience brought us really close together. I mean, we all slept in the same hotel room for 3 weeks while trying to find a rental. But in addition to that, we lost everything. There was no more Playstation to fight over who got to play. No more Gameboys or iPods to shut out the world with. Just six people in a hotel room, wondering where we would get dinner and if we had any clean clothes left. We had lost all our board games, so we made up games to play. And everyday we got to remember the first miracle I mentioned - of everything lost, we still had each other.

#27 - Things become both very unimportant and very important. I learned, in a very abrupt way, that all the things I own really don't matter. As heart breaking as it was to lose books and clothes and electronics and whatever, basically everything is replaceable. As I discovered how unimportant those things are, other things become more important. Some non-tangible things, like a better relationship with my family, but also some tangible things. They stop being things and instead become memories. Out of the rubble of my room, I was able to save the stuffed bear that I was given as a newborn in the hospital. A family friend dug through my collapsed closet to find a prom dress that I had purchased, but had never had a chance to wear. I still have the Converse that I was wearing that day. A stuffed bear, a dress, and a pair of shoes are now important not because of the things they are, but because of the people and the moment they remind me of.

There are many more miracles which surround that day, I could go on forever. In fact, if you ask me about that day I will go on forever, telling you all the silly details I remember. There are so many days from 10 years ago that came and went and were forgotten. February 5th, for me, is not one of those days. I am really grateful that I can remember all these miracles.

#22 Friends who are always there

Friends are great. But the real miracle are those friends who are so reliable, you know exactly what they will do.

The miracle is seen when you are having a terrible day and feeling unable to spend another minute by yourself. It's sending off that text saying "I just don't want to be alone right now" and knowing that you will get a response - an invitation to come over - no questions asked and no judgments passed. The miracle is knowing that you can show up crying and they will just listen; or, you can show up silent and they will talk about anything and everything until their voice guides you out of the thoughts you are lost in.