Sometimes, a miracle is all about the timing. I had the blessing of hosting my family this year for Thanksgiving (and my nephew's 2nd birthday!). Having everyone together was a huge miracle that allowed me to reflect on many other miracles that allowed this to happen.
But at the same time, a little alone time is nice too. My family was around for just short enough that I was sad to see them go, but just long enough that walking into an empty living room, sitting on the couch, and enjoying the silence was a miracle too.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Monday, November 28, 2016
#6 A Moment of Recollection
Today's miracle was a simple moment of recollection. These are some of the easiest miracles to overlook, because it's just a thought. But they are some of the most important miracles, because it is the right thought brought to clarity at the right moment to change our lives.
It snowed today. On one hand...probably my right hand, you know - the dominate thoughts...I'm not too happy about snow. Mostly, I just don't like the cold and it kinda has to be cold to snow. I grew up in the desert where snow (and cold for that matter) are something that you visit for a day or so, then return home where a sweatshirt can get you through the day.
But on the other hand - I can't deny it's beauty. My world is covered in 3-4 inches, with more promised tonight. Hard edges become soft. Imperfections are buried. Eventually, everything is just a smooth, calm, white. I walk through a snow covered night, with sounds muffled and light enhanced. It feels enchanted.
And in that moment, a simple thought is brought to mind, Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:1
Except, the odd thing was, when the phrase came to mind, it was altered slightly. "though your scars be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow."
Suddenly, I understood something I have long known. No matter how scarred, damaged, hurt, or beat I might get - God promises the peace, serenity, and enchantment of the night of the first heavy snowfall. He will cover it all up and let me walk in tranquility. And - if I let him - he will heal me so that the scars and damage and hurt are gone when the snow melts.
It snowed today. On one hand...probably my right hand, you know - the dominate thoughts...I'm not too happy about snow. Mostly, I just don't like the cold and it kinda has to be cold to snow. I grew up in the desert where snow (and cold for that matter) are something that you visit for a day or so, then return home where a sweatshirt can get you through the day.
But on the other hand - I can't deny it's beauty. My world is covered in 3-4 inches, with more promised tonight. Hard edges become soft. Imperfections are buried. Eventually, everything is just a smooth, calm, white. I walk through a snow covered night, with sounds muffled and light enhanced. It feels enchanted.
And in that moment, a simple thought is brought to mind, Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:1
Except, the odd thing was, when the phrase came to mind, it was altered slightly. "though your scars be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow."
Suddenly, I understood something I have long known. No matter how scarred, damaged, hurt, or beat I might get - God promises the peace, serenity, and enchantment of the night of the first heavy snowfall. He will cover it all up and let me walk in tranquility. And - if I let him - he will heal me so that the scars and damage and hurt are gone when the snow melts.
Monday, November 21, 2016
#5 Rain
Rain is a miracle, one of my favorites. Presently, like the roses, it reminds me that it isn't yet freezing outside (a nice change from last Thursday when it actually snowed). The rain has always fascinated me, so today, I'd like to share some of my thoughts on rain that I wrote 7 years ago...
I love rain. I love the clouds and I love getting soaking wet while walking between classes. I love falling asleep to the sounds of a storm and the smell of rain in the valley. I believe that being raised in the desert has led me to love the rain so much, especially after considering my mom's account that as I child I treated rain much the same way as the wicked witch of the west might have. Now that I'm older, I would prefer to be outside when it starts to pour.
My favorite type of rain is a thunder storm. There's the lightning that illuminates the whole sky and thunder so loud it causes the house to rattle. Then there is the wind that tries it's hardest to prevent the raindrops from ever touching the ground. Lastly, the simple sound of the water slamming against the windows, the roof, the leaves on the tree. I think the display of natural power is incredible. It is pure strength, not man-made or manufactured in anyway, and impossible to prevent. Afterwords, the sky clears and the air is clean. The plants gently drip the water they have caught and glitter a fresh, bright green, unobstructed by dust and dirt that has built up. The sun breaks through the dispersing clouds and reflects of the wet grass causing it to shimmer like a green sea.
When most people think of a bad day, they relate it to a cold, gray, rainy day, much like the weather I am experiencing right now. I have a different outlook. When I think of a bad day, I think of a fire. First, there is the initial mild shock that lets you know today won't end quite as you hoped. Then the sense of displacement that occurs when you want to curl up in your bed and hide, but realize that you can't. Finally, after giving up the thought of hiding and wanting to disappear into your favorite book, that is when hopelessness starts to set in. You realize your favorite book is destroyed, along with your favorite stuffed animals, favorite outfit, favorite picture hanging on the wall. You feel like there is nothing you can do to save yourself. Then, someone comes up to you, and they give you a hug. Just a simple hug. You can close your eyes and hide from the world and let their arms protect you from the mental fire you fear will destroy you as efficiently as it destroyed everything else.
This is when the rain comes in. It puts out the fires and cools the still simmering coals. It cleans the air of the smoke and dust. It washes away the ash, and the dirt, and the tear stains running down your cheeks. The water nourishes the wounded plants and the clouds protect from the scorching sun. I can see why you might think it unusual for me to be so thankful for this cold, constant rain. But when your life burns down around you, there is nothing better than waking up to the soft rhythmic sound of raindrops on the window.
I love rain. I love the clouds and I love getting soaking wet while walking between classes. I love falling asleep to the sounds of a storm and the smell of rain in the valley. I believe that being raised in the desert has led me to love the rain so much, especially after considering my mom's account that as I child I treated rain much the same way as the wicked witch of the west might have. Now that I'm older, I would prefer to be outside when it starts to pour.
My favorite type of rain is a thunder storm. There's the lightning that illuminates the whole sky and thunder so loud it causes the house to rattle. Then there is the wind that tries it's hardest to prevent the raindrops from ever touching the ground. Lastly, the simple sound of the water slamming against the windows, the roof, the leaves on the tree. I think the display of natural power is incredible. It is pure strength, not man-made or manufactured in anyway, and impossible to prevent. Afterwords, the sky clears and the air is clean. The plants gently drip the water they have caught and glitter a fresh, bright green, unobstructed by dust and dirt that has built up. The sun breaks through the dispersing clouds and reflects of the wet grass causing it to shimmer like a green sea.
When most people think of a bad day, they relate it to a cold, gray, rainy day, much like the weather I am experiencing right now. I have a different outlook. When I think of a bad day, I think of a fire. First, there is the initial mild shock that lets you know today won't end quite as you hoped. Then the sense of displacement that occurs when you want to curl up in your bed and hide, but realize that you can't. Finally, after giving up the thought of hiding and wanting to disappear into your favorite book, that is when hopelessness starts to set in. You realize your favorite book is destroyed, along with your favorite stuffed animals, favorite outfit, favorite picture hanging on the wall. You feel like there is nothing you can do to save yourself. Then, someone comes up to you, and they give you a hug. Just a simple hug. You can close your eyes and hide from the world and let their arms protect you from the mental fire you fear will destroy you as efficiently as it destroyed everything else.
This is when the rain comes in. It puts out the fires and cools the still simmering coals. It cleans the air of the smoke and dust. It washes away the ash, and the dirt, and the tear stains running down your cheeks. The water nourishes the wounded plants and the clouds protect from the scorching sun. I can see why you might think it unusual for me to be so thankful for this cold, constant rain. But when your life burns down around you, there is nothing better than waking up to the soft rhythmic sound of raindrops on the window.
Sunday, November 20, 2016
#4 Perfectly timed messages
This is actually yesterday's miracle, so I may post another miracle for today this evening.
I had to work yesterday. Well, I didn't have to, but I have fallen behind in a few projects that are due at the end of this month, so I chose to go into work and try and get caught up. I'm really grateful that I do not regularly have to work on Saturdays.
After several hours of work and some reasonable progress on my projects (still behind, but not as badly now), I was ready to go have "Saturday." I started messaging people to find something Saturday-esq to do and received a response inviting me out to dinner with a group of friends. At this point, I suddenly realize I'm starving.
Now, had the message not been sent, I could have easily gone home and made myself something to eat to solve the problem. Or- had the message been sent half an hour later, I would have gone home and made myself something to eat and missed out on a chance to spend the evening with good friends while eating good food. The message was perfectly timed to not only satisfy my physical hunger, but also my emotional hunger after a long lonely day at the office.
I also consider it a minor miracle that I did not have any left-overs to take home...or perhaps just evidence of how starving I was...
I had to work yesterday. Well, I didn't have to, but I have fallen behind in a few projects that are due at the end of this month, so I chose to go into work and try and get caught up. I'm really grateful that I do not regularly have to work on Saturdays.
After several hours of work and some reasonable progress on my projects (still behind, but not as badly now), I was ready to go have "Saturday." I started messaging people to find something Saturday-esq to do and received a response inviting me out to dinner with a group of friends. At this point, I suddenly realize I'm starving.
Now, had the message not been sent, I could have easily gone home and made myself something to eat to solve the problem. Or- had the message been sent half an hour later, I would have gone home and made myself something to eat and missed out on a chance to spend the evening with good friends while eating good food. The message was perfectly timed to not only satisfy my physical hunger, but also my emotional hunger after a long lonely day at the office.
I also consider it a minor miracle that I did not have any left-overs to take home...or perhaps just evidence of how starving I was...
Thursday, November 17, 2016
#3 Ordinary Miracle
I am a firm believer that "Shuffle" proves there is a God. Of all the thousands of songs I have on my playlist that I'm listening to on shuffle, the right one always seems to come up at just the right time. Today's miracle is one such moment.
I was at work. Things were busy and hectic and I let myself get wrapped in what needed to be done. Then one of my favorite songs began to play - Ordinary Miracle, from the live action Charlotte's Web (which I haven't actually seen yet, but the song is good). It had perfect timing, playing at the exact moment when I needed to step back and remember that life is about noticing the ordinary miracles, like my car still working and the roses still blooming.
I was at work. Things were busy and hectic and I let myself get wrapped in what needed to be done. Then one of my favorite songs began to play - Ordinary Miracle, from the live action Charlotte's Web (which I haven't actually seen yet, but the song is good). It had perfect timing, playing at the exact moment when I needed to step back and remember that life is about noticing the ordinary miracles, like my car still working and the roses still blooming.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
#2 My car keeps starting
While driving to a church activity last night, my brake light and battery light suddenly both turn on. I arrive at the church, pull out the owner's manual, and try to figure out what the cryptic light pattern refer to.
If the brake light is on...you left your parking brake on or you are running low on brake fluid. Maybe the two lights aren't related so I double check my parking brake, it's not on. I try putting it on and taking it off again because that works with computers. No change. I open the hood, locate the brake fluid, and verify that it's not running low. Back to the manual.
If the brake light and ABS light are on...Stop driving immediately; your brakes are going to die any minute now!!!!! Well, the ABS light isn't on, so I guess I don't have to walk home from the church. This is good news.
Absolutely nothing about brake light and battery light at the same time. Google to the rescue! Type in the model of the car and the two lights that are blinking at me and learn that it's an early warning sign that my alternator is about to die, which means my battery might not be charging correctly and one of these days my car just won't turn on.
Wonderful - I know what the problem is, but it is 7:30 at night and I have plans from 7 AM to 10:30 PM the next day.
I definitely know this is one of those things I want to fix ASAP, but in all my driving today, my car has continued to turn on successfully every time. Definitely a miracle - and one that I will pray continues until I get a chance to buy an alternator and find someone with the right tools to help me replace it.
If the brake light is on...you left your parking brake on or you are running low on brake fluid. Maybe the two lights aren't related so I double check my parking brake, it's not on. I try putting it on and taking it off again because that works with computers. No change. I open the hood, locate the brake fluid, and verify that it's not running low. Back to the manual.
If the brake light and ABS light are on...Stop driving immediately; your brakes are going to die any minute now!!!!! Well, the ABS light isn't on, so I guess I don't have to walk home from the church. This is good news.
Absolutely nothing about brake light and battery light at the same time. Google to the rescue! Type in the model of the car and the two lights that are blinking at me and learn that it's an early warning sign that my alternator is about to die, which means my battery might not be charging correctly and one of these days my car just won't turn on.
Wonderful - I know what the problem is, but it is 7:30 at night and I have plans from 7 AM to 10:30 PM the next day.
I definitely know this is one of those things I want to fix ASAP, but in all my driving today, my car has continued to turn on successfully every time. Definitely a miracle - and one that I will pray continues until I get a chance to buy an alternator and find someone with the right tools to help me replace it.
Monday, November 14, 2016
#1 November Roses, a multi-faceted miracle
There are some miracles that surround us every day, yet we do not take the time to enjoy them. Roses are one of those miracles.
Today, I consider this miracle to be multi-faceted because it is a miracle on so many different levels and each level has it's own type of miracle and reason to feel gratitude for it.
First - the title miracle.
It is November and the roses are still in full bloom. The pictures included here are were taken today as I left work. These roses aren't the last few stragglers on plant preparing to shut down for the winter. These are huge, vibrant blooms and they are every where. This means, not only do I get to enjoy roses, but it is warm enough to want to be outside and enjoy roses. I'm not much of a cold-weather person, so any evidence of warm weather is a miracle to me.
Next - the ability to experience the simple beauty of a rose.
There are roses in this world. They come in hundreds of colors and dozens of sizes. And I have eyes that can see those colors, the gradation from one color to another, and the perfect pattern the rose forms. I have skin that can feel the soft velvety petals, the dozens and dozens of petals. With my nose, I can smell the perfume they give off. A smell which we have learned to capture and replicate, but never quite matches the warm, sunlight scent of a rose garden. I have a phone that can capture the image. And who knows - maybe this device once intended for talking will someday capture and convey that smell to you too.
Finally - stop and smell the roses.
These rose bushes are at work. I walk past them almost every day as I leave the office (not quite every day because sometimes I walk out of different doors). After a full day of work, I can put it all down, walk away, and literally stop to smell the roses before returning home. It gives me a moment to think, to relax, to set everything aside and see the miracle of a rose.
They aren't just beautiful. They aren't just blooming into November. They are blooming when and where I can see them and appreciate them every day. That is such an incredible miracle and witness to me that God knows who I am and cares enough to put roses along my path.
Take the time to smell the roses before winter comes.
It is November and the roses are still in full bloom. The pictures included here are were taken today as I left work. These roses aren't the last few stragglers on plant preparing to shut down for the winter. These are huge, vibrant blooms and they are every where. This means, not only do I get to enjoy roses, but it is warm enough to want to be outside and enjoy roses. I'm not much of a cold-weather person, so any evidence of warm weather is a miracle to me.
There are roses in this world. They come in hundreds of colors and dozens of sizes. And I have eyes that can see those colors, the gradation from one color to another, and the perfect pattern the rose forms. I have skin that can feel the soft velvety petals, the dozens and dozens of petals. With my nose, I can smell the perfume they give off. A smell which we have learned to capture and replicate, but never quite matches the warm, sunlight scent of a rose garden. I have a phone that can capture the image. And who knows - maybe this device once intended for talking will someday capture and convey that smell to you too.
Finally - stop and smell the roses.
These rose bushes are at work. I walk past them almost every day as I leave the office (not quite every day because sometimes I walk out of different doors). After a full day of work, I can put it all down, walk away, and literally stop to smell the roses before returning home. It gives me a moment to think, to relax, to set everything aside and see the miracle of a rose.
They aren't just beautiful. They aren't just blooming into November. They are blooming when and where I can see them and appreciate them every day. That is such an incredible miracle and witness to me that God knows who I am and cares enough to put roses along my path.
Take the time to smell the roses before winter comes.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
A Thousand Miracles
The above quote is the cover of my journal. When I pull it out to write, the quote reminds me to think of the miracles in my life, to record them so that I can remember them, and to be grateful for them.
Unfortunately, much like my blog, my journal has been neglected. The biggest miracle of my life was occurring and I was spending too much time enjoying it to write any of it down.
Unlike my blog, I didn't return to my journal when I learned that the miracle wouldn't occur. I can justify being vague on my blog, since it is public. I can write what is occurring in the moment and only briefly mention the events that lead up to the moment. I feel as though I don't have the same excuses with a journal - that I ought to be specific regarding where I am now and how I came to be here. I've been afraid to reevaluate those wounds so my journal has gone untouched for 11 months.
And now I feel guilty for the miracles which I have failed to record...which makes me less eager to pick up my journal and attempt to write it all down. Vicious cycle.
Because there have been miracles. So many miracles.
I've managed to sell two housing contracts within two weeks of realizing I needed to sell them. I've moved into a beautiful home. I've made wonderful friends in each new place I've lived.
I ran a half marathon (and trust me - with how often my training schedule was interrupted, this really was a miracle)
My family came to visit and I got to zip-line across a lake at 60 miles an hour.
I went on a road trip to Sweden and Norway (all recorded on my blog, but none of it made it into my journal).
My nephew is talking now and I always believe watching children grow is a miracle. Especially when I get cute videos of him saying things.
Point being - miracles happen every day and I want to make sure they are recorded. So - here is my next big blogging project - A Thousand Miracles (in approximately a thousand days. I'm going to try and write daily but I know there will be days when that just doesn't happen. There will also be days when I need to write an epiphany or something and therefore won't write a miracle-specific post since I will have already done another post that day)
I will still share posts which are really meaningful and impactful to me, but to avoid clogging my Facebook feed - I will not be posting the links to all of them there. Feel free to visit occasionally to get caught up or follow the blog to be notified of new posts.
Each days is filled with miracles. I'm just going to tell you about one thousand of them.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
You Didn't Win
One of my favorite 'break-up' songs is ABBA's "The Winner Takes it All." If you haven't heard it before - take the time to listen before continuing to read.
It's my favorite for several reasons:
It's my favorite for several reasons:
- It is an ABBA song, which is one of very few bands who I can recognize almost all of the songs of.
- I can belt it at the top of my lungs and feel strong and powerful despite being heartbroken.
- I feel like it does a good job of describing how I feel when I'm heartbroken. I played all my cards, I did the best I could, I followed the rules, and somehow I lost everything. You made me feel safe, you promised me the future, but you took it all with you and left me with nothing.
That being said - today, this song is wrong. Because you didn't win.
You and I played a game. A game that I thought was one of those collaborative games, you know - players against the board where we are trying to win together. I thought we were winning...until you revealed the real game. I never figured out how I was supposed to win, you never explained it to me. But you made it clear how you were trying to win...
...you wanted me to hate you.
We made promises, but you broke them.
We created plans, and then you ripped them to shreds.
You left me stranded to clean up the mess.
You claimed you'd earn my trust again.
You made promises again but didn't even bother to remember what they were.
You lied and kept secrets.
You needed to make me hate you....
...so that you could feel justified in hating yourself.
And it was working for a while. I was so mad. Not so much at the lies and broken promises, but because you were gone and you weren't supposed to be. I finally reached level 25 in Pokemon Go and I got a Snorlax, but you weren't there to celebrate with me. I watched the Flash and figured out why Joe's last name matters and had to imagine your reaction. I saw Dr. Strange and didn't have you to discuss it with for hours afterwards.
BUT YOU DIDN'T WIN!
I don't hate you. I'm not even mad at you anymore. I just feel bad because you have missed out on so much. I have had a blast and even if I wish you were there to share in it with all my heart, why should I hate you when my life is awesome and you aren't here for it. You didn't take it all. In time, you won't have taken anything from me. I have everything I need right now, and someday - I will have it all back.
I still miss you every now and then. I wish I could turn back time and do things differently so that you would have been a part of all those memories. But I'm done playing your game. I'm not going to let you win. Go ahead, hate yourself. I am not going to give you excuses or justifications.
I don't hate you.
You didn't win.
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