I think that statement basically sums up why I have been striving to become something better. It's from a youtube video I saw recently- the story of a 17 year old who knew he was dying. He made every day worth living. Life wasn't always perfect, there were hard times and bad days, but that didn't take away from the chance to live and change....
I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with all this. I just wanted to share this video with you. I feel like it explains a little bit why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm not terminally ill; I don't anticipate dying anytime in the near future. I believe, however, that I should be able to fall asleep every night feeling that the day was a good last day, even if it isn't my last day.
It's like the story of that little Scottish lady (brief pause for a google search), Mary Murray Murdoch. She was a Mormon Pioneer in the 1850's, traveling from Scotland to America, and then joining a hand cart company to join other members of the church in Utah. She passed away before reaching her destination, but her final words are recorded as being "Tell John (her son) I died with my face toward Zion." Completing the trip wasn't the most important thing. What mattered was the daily effort made to get there, never turning back, never giving up. That is the sort of person I want to be. I want to face forward, upward, God-ward every day. I hope to know every day that I'm further along that path, even if just a little, and that I'm still facing the right way. I don't want to wait to find out I'm dying before I start trying to use every day to live a wonderful life and help others do the same.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Habits
So... it has been a while since I've posted anything. I won't try to blame it on being busy- I haven't been. I just seem to not be in the mood to blog during my many hours of free time. As my last blog explained, I've moved to an itty bitty town in Middle-of-Nowhere, New Mexico. I'm suffering withdrawals from my friends and the loneliness seems to not lead to blogging. Odd.
I've come to the conclusion that in my twelve weeks of almost-solitude I will have a lot of "me" time. I'm going to use this time to really apply myself to my goal of becoming a better person every day. One of the ways I hope to develop myself this summer is developing uplifting habits that will make each day of life better. One a week for 12 weeks, or sometimes two because one is really easy. Of course- I'm already in Week 3, so I should report on what I've done so far...
Week 1- This week had two goals because one was super easy. Throughout my mission and for a good while before that, I was very diligent at taking a multi-vitamin every day. Somehow, my multi-vitamins got lost in my bathroom drawer while at school and I haven't taken them since I returned home a year ago. My first goal was to begin taking these on a daily basis. I keep them on a table right next to the bathroom- I figure I walk past there enough times a day to see it at least once and remember. I've done a really good job with this habit.
My other habit for Week 1 is work-induced. I'm a night time person, this is why I intend to do night time astronomy. My summer research position is at a solar observatory. Work starts not long after sunrise and, if the sky is clear all day, ends about an hour before sunset. This has created the need to return to another habit I haven't had since my mission- an early bedtime. I'm actually really impressed with how well I've been doing with this one. I get in bed at 10, and I get up at 6...kinda (my alarm goes off at 6, and I don't stay in bed too long after that). This is a wonderful habit which probably won't last a day after my internship ends, but it makes life easier while I'm here.
Week 2- Making my bed every morning. The first week, I was far too tired at 6 a.m. to think long enough to make my bed. Making my bed starts the day with the attitude that I will be clean and organized. This attitude prevents dishes from piling up in the sink and my work place stays really neat. I like this habit.
And Week 3- My goal this week is to get back into the habit of daily exercise. You've heard me say a dozen times that I will start exercising, but I have a good excuse this time for why I stopped. Middle-of-Nowhere, NM happens to be at an elevation of 9000+ feet. My body needed time to adjust to the lack of oxygen up here. I let myself have two weeks to adjust and now I'm getting back to work. I went jogging today... I made it about 1/6th of a mile before I was way out of breath. But I pressed on! I alternated between walking and jogging and then came home and did a "Psych workout", one of those fancy workouts you find on pinterest with things to do based on commonly said phrases. I'm feeling good and looking forward to tomorrow!
I've come to the conclusion that in my twelve weeks of almost-solitude I will have a lot of "me" time. I'm going to use this time to really apply myself to my goal of becoming a better person every day. One of the ways I hope to develop myself this summer is developing uplifting habits that will make each day of life better. One a week for 12 weeks, or sometimes two because one is really easy. Of course- I'm already in Week 3, so I should report on what I've done so far...
Week 1- This week had two goals because one was super easy. Throughout my mission and for a good while before that, I was very diligent at taking a multi-vitamin every day. Somehow, my multi-vitamins got lost in my bathroom drawer while at school and I haven't taken them since I returned home a year ago. My first goal was to begin taking these on a daily basis. I keep them on a table right next to the bathroom- I figure I walk past there enough times a day to see it at least once and remember. I've done a really good job with this habit.
My other habit for Week 1 is work-induced. I'm a night time person, this is why I intend to do night time astronomy. My summer research position is at a solar observatory. Work starts not long after sunrise and, if the sky is clear all day, ends about an hour before sunset. This has created the need to return to another habit I haven't had since my mission- an early bedtime. I'm actually really impressed with how well I've been doing with this one. I get in bed at 10, and I get up at 6...kinda (my alarm goes off at 6, and I don't stay in bed too long after that). This is a wonderful habit which probably won't last a day after my internship ends, but it makes life easier while I'm here.
Week 2- Making my bed every morning. The first week, I was far too tired at 6 a.m. to think long enough to make my bed. Making my bed starts the day with the attitude that I will be clean and organized. This attitude prevents dishes from piling up in the sink and my work place stays really neat. I like this habit.
And Week 3- My goal this week is to get back into the habit of daily exercise. You've heard me say a dozen times that I will start exercising, but I have a good excuse this time for why I stopped. Middle-of-Nowhere, NM happens to be at an elevation of 9000+ feet. My body needed time to adjust to the lack of oxygen up here. I let myself have two weeks to adjust and now I'm getting back to work. I went jogging today... I made it about 1/6th of a mile before I was way out of breath. But I pressed on! I alternated between walking and jogging and then came home and did a "Psych workout", one of those fancy workouts you find on pinterest with things to do based on commonly said phrases. I'm feeling good and looking forward to tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Small Towns
A few months ago, I babbled about how modern media has painted a guilty look on my face. Today, I would like to rant about how modern media has given me paranoia. haha- I love my life.
I grew up in a big city, nothing huge like New York, but a big city. When I moved away to attend college, I moved to a much smaller city, but still a city. Just counting the college kids, there are over 30 thousand plus people, not to mention all the people who actually live there. I felt like it was really small because I didn't have a car and had to walk everywhere. Anywhere outside of my 30 minute walking radius basically didn't exist. Throughout my life, the only time I ever saw small towns was either when we drove through them on road trips or when they were on my favorite TV shows. Unfortunately for me, my favorite TV shows in high school where CSI and NCIS, so the small town was portrayed as having its first murder in several generations, the local cops are completely clueless as to how to deal with things, and the big city police come in to catch the bad guy. Now, I think it's wonderful that there are places with such low crime rates, but that doesn't change the fact that the only time an episode ever centered on these small towns was when the crime of the decade occurred.
My current paranoia problem stems from the fact that I've recently moved to a "community" (it's not even big enough to be labeled a town, though it does have it's own zip code) for a summer internship. There are approximately 80 full-time residents. The kind woman who picked me up at the shuttle station and dropped me off at my new home mentioned how few people ever lock there doors because there is nothing to worry about up here except for the bears, and they can't open the doors anyways. There is a post office and a fire station, but crime is so rare that there aren't even have security guards in the office buildings. I feel very blessed to be here during the day. The trees are beautiful, the environment is peaceful, and everyone talks to me because they are surprised to see someone they don't know. I feel slightly less blessed at night and I look out my windows into the pitch black night wondering what is out there because this is the point in CSI where the young girl suddenly realizes she isn't the only one in the house. So, long before sunset, I lock and bolt the doors tight, because I've somehow convinced myself that if I don't I will be the victim in this poor communities first ever murder investigation.
PS: There is no need to worry about me (this is especially for you, Mom, I know you read this). This was how I felt the first night I slept here, I'm not quite so paranoid now... but I still bolt the doors. hahaha
I grew up in a big city, nothing huge like New York, but a big city. When I moved away to attend college, I moved to a much smaller city, but still a city. Just counting the college kids, there are over 30 thousand plus people, not to mention all the people who actually live there. I felt like it was really small because I didn't have a car and had to walk everywhere. Anywhere outside of my 30 minute walking radius basically didn't exist. Throughout my life, the only time I ever saw small towns was either when we drove through them on road trips or when they were on my favorite TV shows. Unfortunately for me, my favorite TV shows in high school where CSI and NCIS, so the small town was portrayed as having its first murder in several generations, the local cops are completely clueless as to how to deal with things, and the big city police come in to catch the bad guy. Now, I think it's wonderful that there are places with such low crime rates, but that doesn't change the fact that the only time an episode ever centered on these small towns was when the crime of the decade occurred.
My current paranoia problem stems from the fact that I've recently moved to a "community" (it's not even big enough to be labeled a town, though it does have it's own zip code) for a summer internship. There are approximately 80 full-time residents. The kind woman who picked me up at the shuttle station and dropped me off at my new home mentioned how few people ever lock there doors because there is nothing to worry about up here except for the bears, and they can't open the doors anyways. There is a post office and a fire station, but crime is so rare that there aren't even have security guards in the office buildings. I feel very blessed to be here during the day. The trees are beautiful, the environment is peaceful, and everyone talks to me because they are surprised to see someone they don't know. I feel slightly less blessed at night and I look out my windows into the pitch black night wondering what is out there because this is the point in CSI where the young girl suddenly realizes she isn't the only one in the house. So, long before sunset, I lock and bolt the doors tight, because I've somehow convinced myself that if I don't I will be the victim in this poor communities first ever murder investigation.
PS: There is no need to worry about me (this is especially for you, Mom, I know you read this). This was how I felt the first night I slept here, I'm not quite so paranoid now... but I still bolt the doors. hahaha
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Colors
The past few weeks, I've been a little obsessed with the color throughout the world. This is one reason I love Spring so much. Not only does the coldness go away, but the nature bursts into laughter in the form of a million flowers. 
I have always been a big fan of looking for those little things in life that make you smile. Color is one of those things. A bright green car, radiant flowers, sunlight through leaves, the sky, yellow rain boots, shiny tail-lights, and everything else colorful and alive just makes me want to smile. These things pop into your eyesight, declaring "I'm not afraid to be seen, I'm not afraid of what I am."
I want to be a more colorful person. By this, I don't mean the style and color of clothing I wear, it's generally pretty colorful on it's own...unless it is one of my many black t-shirts that make some sort of astronomy joke. I want to be colorful like a flower is colorful. It's a matter of becoming something that isn't afraid to be seen. A flower knows what it is and is proud of it. It opens up, admitting it is fragile and imperfect, yet not ashamed of this. 
I am unique, bright, fragile, and most certainly imperfect. I'm completely obsessed with stars and watches. Sometimes, I'm afraid others might disapprove of my obsession or judge me on my imperfection. But the world would be very dull if only the most perfect flowers bloomed. So, as I prepare for a new move and a new job, this is what I shall strive to remember. There is nothing wrong with being fragile. I'm allowed to be a little obsessed. I don't need to be afraid.Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Without The Rope
My friends finally succeeded in getting me to watch The Dark Knight Rises. It isn't like I've been avoiding watching it, life has just been busy and it wasn't a top priority. However, since I will soon leave for my summer internship, we made a point of scheduling it in tonight and I didn't let anything else get in the way. I'm glad I watched it, I enjoyed it more than The Dark Knight and totally called the ending! But this isn't meant to be a movie critic, rather the sharing of a life lesson rediscovered as I watched. If you haven't seen it yet- let Reggie know and he will make you see it... oh- and spoiler alert.
After being defeated by Bane, Wayne is thrown into a prison built in a pit deep in the ground. He, as well as many of the other prisoners, attempt to climb out of the pit along the concrete walls, a rope around their chest to catch them when they fail. No prisoner has ever made it. The only one to have succeeded was a child, born and raised in the pit. After several failed attempts, a prisoner explains to Wayne the reason for his failure- he does not fear death enough. Only the fear of dying will give him enough strength to get out. When Wayne asks how to make the climb, the response is, "As the child did. Without the rope. Then fear will find you again." Climbing again, this time without the rope and far more intense background music, Wayne succeeds in escaping the pit and returns to save the day as Batman!
On to the life lesson! It comes from an interesting combination of fear and hope. I fear pain, rejection, disappointment- the results of "falling." Yet I hope for joy, acceptance, and delight and because of this hope, I am willing to climb. I know when I climb that I might fall, but I also know that I might fly. If I lose hope then I will not climb. If I have no fear then I will not take the climb seriously and will be more likely to fall.
For example- the entire month of January was dedicated to filling out applications for REUs (Research Experience for Undergraduates) at several National Observatories. I was ecstatic with the hope of earning one of these positions, but I also feared not getting the opportunity. It was not a debilitating fear, I still had faith that whatever happened, it was meant to be, the fear did not prevent me from acting. The fear pushed me to do my absolute best on those applications. I'm pretty sure I drove roommates and friends nuts with asking them to read through dozens of revisions of the application essay. I finally jumped- I turned in the application and waited for a month to learn if I was falling or flying. As mentioned above, I leave soon for a job I'm beyond excited for. If I had not feared being turned away, would my application have been nearly good enough to be considered?
But this isn't the only application. Each class I take is a chance to climb. Every friendship formed is a leap of faith that these people will still like me when they realize I'm crazy. We say we "fall in love" and it's so true. We fall, afraid they might not love us back, afraid they might not even realize, afraid they might not care; but we jumped anyways, hoping...
Why do we do it? According to Hitch- "Because that's what people do, they leap and hope... they can fly! Because otherwise we just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, "why...did I jump?" But here I am... falling. And there's only one person that makes me feel like I can fly. That's you."
So climb, jump, go...without the rope. Because only then will the fear be great enough to make you fly. Only then do you feel the risk is worth it.
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