1 am

It's 12:50.
I am too awake to fall asleep, but my roommates have gone to bed, no one to talk to.
I search for something more interesting than lying awake in bed.
And so I blog about my thoughts, the unusual conglomeration that occurs near midnight.

It's 12:54.
I finally found the pencil I lost 3 hours ago. It is being used to hold my hair in a bun.
It took me till now to realize that I forgot to eat dinner, I think this is the second time this week.
My blog has exactly 4400 page views, cool, no?

It's 12:58.
Isn't it strange, how I still say "no?" instead of "right?"
and "take care" instead of "good bye"
remnants of a language I spoke daily for over 2 years.

It's 1 am.
We are learning about poetry in my creative writing class.
Images and words float through my head like clouds, changing as they move.
And here I was, thinking I thought too much before. I think I think a great deal more now.
Another poem takes form in my mind.

It's 1:03.
And I find time in the silence to reflect on the past week.
It has been an incredible week. Nothing bad has happened! Nothing at all.
I was able to wear my favorite shirt yesterday and all my homework is done...almost.
I have 120% in one of my classes, if that isn't a confidence booster, I don't know what is.

It's 1:05.
With nothing else to do, I pause and remember,
Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful.
Because I can still find peace, somewhere near midnight.

Washing a Cat

I decided to take a creative writing class this semester to hone my writing skills.  For class each week, we are to select quotes from the two books we are reading and respond to them.  My teacher thought this particular thought was a great metaphor, so I figured I'd share it with you too.

 “Telling the truth in an interesting way turns out to be about as easy and pleasurable as bathing a cat” 
            –Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott

I have never bathed a cat, but I gather that it is not the most enjoyable of activities.  This nugget of truth helps me to understand my own writing process.  I have stories that mix themselves inside my head, long novels, but I avoid them.  Why? Because as fun as washing a cat is, I’ve never found myself with a burning desire to wash a cat for an hour every day.  So I don’t write novels, even though they sometimes tease me and beg to be expounded upon.  This is why I write blogs instead.  I wait for a kind cat to slink up to me, to play around my legs and work its way between my hands so that I will pet it.  I then grab it, shove it in the water, get as much out of it as I can, and let it go.  This results in short, sporadic blog posts and everyone thinks I’m incredible.  They don’t see that I’m taking the easy way out.  I think it’s time to try to actually wash the cat.  

Lost in My Head

I've become lost, somewhere inside myself, somewhere in my head.  While wandering amidst the curves and crevices of my mind, between plans for the day, a half-written poem, calculus, and concern for a friend, I slowed down just enough for my secret to catch up to me- I don't know why I'm wandering.

I don't know why I'm wandering. Was I looking for something or running from something?  Is there a thought I'm trying desperately to remember, or a memory I'm striving diligently to forget?  Did a plan fall through and I just haven't readjusted yet, or has a goal been reached and I'm still rolling on the momentum? Regardless...

Due to my discovery, I've ceased strolling through trees of memory or checking on recently planted seedlings of hope and have instead sat in the shade of uncertainty while watching the clouds billow till they block out the sky.  I'm lost, not because I don't know where I am (though I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure) but because I'm suddenly unsure of where I was going?

As I seek input from the world outside my skin, I see your desire to help me.  I recognize that you are outside of the maze in which I've wrapped myself.  You can see the turn I'm missing, you can lead me to the end! And I yearn to rely on you to save me.  Then I realize, though you can see what I might be missing, you don't know what I'm missing. And I can't tell you, for I'm not quite sure.  So I step back inside my skin... feeling alone...right beside you.

Childish instinct blames you for not helping, at least until reason steps in and explains, leaving me internally conflicted and no less lost.  I begin to despair.  And finally, I recall the Rock that never moves but can always be found.  Seeking peace, I turn to my Father in prayer.  He knows why I was wandering, but more importantly, He knows where I ought to be.  And He has promised to help me get there.

Now, I need only get up and out of the shade...

14 for 14

Well, time for the generic "New Year's" post.  I decided to switch it up a bit this year.  I have my typical resolutions, but most of them are personal goals so there is no need to post them for the whole world to see.  However, here is one goal I would like to share, 14 activities for 2014.  Some of these I've done before and would just love to do again, some of them are new.  Point is, here are my plans to keep 2014 interesting and exciting.  Let's see if I can finish it all before another new year rolls around. 

1. Drive somewhere new. (and then come home and shamelessly take pictures like a tourist)
2. Read the Libro ni Mormon (Hiligaynon).
3. Finish an entire coloring book.
4. Buy myself flowers. (and leave a note as if it's from a secret admirer just for the fun of it)
5. Find a four-leaf clover.
6. Write a new song.
7. Go snowboarding.
8. Do something on my bucket list. (This one might be hard since 90% of my bucket list requires going to another country) 
9. Build a sandcastle.
10. Go cloud-watching.
11. Jump in a pile of leaves.
12. Have a sunrise picnic after staying up all night. (And while I'm at it, go on a midnight walk and wish on a shooting star)
13. Climb a tree. 
14. Make a cake from scratch.

And to make things more amusing, I'll try to blog about whatever activities I actually get around to.