A Reason To Hope

I had an epiphany today- I have a reason to hope.

I know this seems silly, but for some reason, I've spent a long time trying to convince myself that I had no reason to hope.  I had felt like anything I ever hoped for, dreamed about, or aspired to turned out to be nothing at all.  So I tried to stop letting myself hope.  For a while, it wasn't hard.  I could find nothing to hope for and therefore never had to stop myself from hoping in something. (Note: I don't recommend this, life is far more grand if you hope, even if you're just hoping in something silly, like no snow until after your birthday).

Suddenly, I was offered a reason to hope.  Having come with no warning, I found it difficult to convince myself not to believe in it.  I tried to tell myself that I was just seeing things, that I noticed positive because I wanted to see positive.  In vain, I repeated over and over that these "good omens" I was picking up weren't real.  I told myself over and over to give up and stop "pretending" that something good might happen.

... and it didn't work.  I'm so glad it didn't work.  Something in me fought back, shouting that there was a reason to hope and that good things happen and that the fear holding me back would go away if only I stopped pretending that there was no reason to hope.  And I finally see it. It had to stand in front of me, stare me in the face, and slap me upside the head in order to see it, but I do.  I have a huge reason to hope, because life is good and life gets better.