See Something Else

Striving to live and be better has lead me to an unexpected epiphany.  In order to know that I've changed, I need to change what I see when I look at myself.  Who and what I become doesn't matter much if I still insist on seeing the awkward middle-school-er, or the shy high-school-er, or the invisible college freshman.  I need to let myself see reality, not just for all my flaws, but for everything good in me too.

This epiphany was even more unexpected in how it came to me.  Most often, thoughts come to me as thoughts- you know, words and such, when I'm intentionally thinking about it and trying to find a solution.  This thought came to me as a song.  It started when a friend taught me a new chord on the guitar, for which my mind supplied words and a melody.  Those words remained stuck in my head till they were properly placed in the song to which they belonged.  So, I kinda wrote a song, but I feel more like the song just pestered me till I "discovered" it completely.  With much urging from roommates, I agreed to play my song at the ward talent show last night.  I almost backed out about a dozen times, then I decided I would just play a different song, then I realized that I hadn't been practicing anything else because this one song wouldn't leave me alone.  I was told I wasn't allowed to back out because my name was on the program, and so...

I finally titled it "See Something Else."  I'm not sure how much I like the title, I might change it.  It is a song of self-confidence.  It is the lies that I told myself for so long and the reality I'm finally starting to see.  It is a little bit of me.  So- I guess I'll let you listen to it now. Oh- and you can ignore the first 30 seconds or so, it's just me blabbering about what I've already told you much more eloquently in this post:

Upon request, the lyrics.
Note: anywhere they don't match, it's because I got nervous and forgot my own words- below is what I meant to sing.

You call me pretty, you call me brave,
and you don't know why I don't think the same
but when I stand next to you, I feel so invisible.
We crowd round the mirror to get ready for the day
you have perfect hair and make up and ... mine's okay
oh what would I give, to look differently
what would I pay, to be someone else for a day.

Cuz I want to be more than just, a lonely girl in a rocking chair
I want to see something else besides freckles and frizzy hair.


You call me pretty, you call me brave,
I still can't believe you even know my name
cuz I tell myself, everyday, I'm invisible.
I look in the mirror, see a flower on the wall
You see a girl, slender and tall
oh what would I give, to see what you see
what would I pay, to borrow your eyes for a day.

Cuz I want to be more than just, a lonely girl in a rocking chair
I want to see something else besides freckles and frizzy hair.
But these lies that I tell myself, will tear me apart
So it's time to let reality back into my heart.

So when you call me pretty, like that one girl from Brave
I still might just laugh cuz you don't know her name
but I'll start to admit, I just might be beautiful
When I look in the mirror, I'll see a smile and blue eyes
and a girl no longer chained by her self-constructed lies
I gave them away and now I can see
You don't have to pay, to love yourself every day

And I know I am so much more than a girl in a rocking chair
I am freckles and stars, a red guitar, and matching hair.