Forgiving God

On January 10th, I learned that my plan for my life was not in line with God's plan for my life at the present moment.  My faith was strong enough to help me let go of everything I had worked towards, everything I thought I deserved, and all the righteous goals I was trying to fulfill because my Heavenly Father was telling me now was not the time.  I did as He asked me to do, but I was hurt and I was mad.

The next day, while at church, I heard a beautiful lesson on love.  I'll be honest, I only listened to a little of it, my heart still hurt too much, but I remember the beginning.  The young woman who was teaching asked us how we show someone that we love them.  The room was filled with the typical comments: tell them, spend time with them, serve them, forgive them, consider their desires, the list went on.  We were then asked how we show that we love God.  Many people quickly recognized how we can apply the answers to the first question.  We can tell God we love him through prayer.  We can spend time with God by attending the church and studying the scriptures. etc. etc...

But one thing was not brought up again.  To show a person we love them, we forgive them.  Yet for some reason, no one said this is a way we can show that we love our Heavenly Father. Forgiveness is often associated with sin, and of course, Heavenly Father doesn't sin.  So you might ask, why would we need to forgive God?

In the October General Conference of 1973, Elder Hanks asked the following in regards to forgiveness, "What is our response when we are offended, misunderstood, unfairly or unkindly treated, or sinned against, made an offender for a word, falsely accused, passed over, hurt by those we love, our offering rejected?"

I found myself needing to forgive God.  He had not sinned against me, but Elder Hanks did not only ask for our response to the sins and mistakes.  He asked about our response when we are hurt by those we love or when our offerings are rejected.

I approached the Lord with my offering: a set of righteous goals and desires and a plan by which I believed, with His help, I could fulfill those goals and desires.  Heavenly Father rejected my offering.  And I was hurt by the person I love most, the person I have been taught loves me more than I can comprehend.

I fought and I prayed for the strength to forgive God. Not because he had sinned against me, for I know that He is perfect, but because I had been hurt by that which I had been asked to do.  Forgiveness is for everyone who hurts us, regardless of their motivation or purpose.  By forgiving those who have sinned against us, we find comfort and healing.  By striving to forgive everyone, we are able to let go of our anger and gain understanding for those who only sought what was best for us.

Forgiveness is for the stranger who steals your wallet.

Forgiveness is for the parents who ground you, seeking to teach you proper behavior and habits.

Forgiveness if for Heavenly Father, when He tells you that you have done your best, but that He has something even better waiting for you.  When He takes away everything you've worked towards and asks you to trust in a plan which He will not yet reveal to you, your strength will come from trusting him.  To trust him, you must forgive him.

The pain doesn't go away, but it becomes just a little easier to live through.

The Four Leaf Clover Strikes Again!

Look what I won!

Yes- I win an Ipad Mini and the first picture taken with it is a picture of its box.


But seriously- I won an Ipad Mini this week!!!  The computer science department at my college held an algorithm challenge over Christmas Break.  I managed to complete all the problems, much help to my family who let me talk all the problems out with them, and thus was entered into a drawing for an Ipad Mini (and several other things, but I was most excited about the Mini). I suppose I really had an unfair advantage since I own two four leaf clovers.  How could I not win exactly what I wanted?

It should be noted- there have been things I've lost since finding these four leaf clovers, it isn't a fail-proof method.

Anyways, this is the first thing I've ever owned which can have apps so I'm a little out of the app loop.  Any suggestions? Preferably free.

6 for 14- #8 Do Something on my Bucket List

I thought this would be a difficult one, since most of my bucket list is filled with things like "see ice skating at the Olympics" or "ski in the Alps" or other such foreign adventures.  Fortunately, a handful of things on that list can still be done in this country and I have managed to do one of them, definitely didn't expect to at the beginning of this year.

So, just a few weekends ago (I'm getting a little better at posting quickly), I went out with my boyfriend and his sister and her husband and shot a gun!  It was super exciting, and I can't think of too many better things to do the night before one goes to take the Physics GRE.  I mean, really, at that point, further studying is only going to stress me out more.  So, when offered the opportunity to instead take out my anxiety on the little orange targets with a 22 rifle, I figured, why not!  I even managed to hit the little orange target on my third try.

I also had the chance to shoot a 9 mm hand gun...I prefer the 22.  I don't feel like it's trying to jump out of my hands each time I pull the trigger.  And by the time I was shooting the hand gun I had shot down all the targets so I had nothing specific at which to shoot, so I felt more like I was just wasting bullets.

And don't worry, I still did just fine on the GRE...I think, I haven't actually received my score yet.

5 for 14- #5 Find a four-leaf clover

Okay, so I actually found a four-leaf clover sometime in July, I've just been really forgetful lately (and by lately I mean since July) and am just now getting around to writing about it.

Part of me, however, is grateful that I have put this off for so long.  I now have experiences I can tell about this four-leaf clover of mine.  I can now declare that four-leaf clovers really are as lucky as people claim they are.  Since finding this simple little clover, I have won tickets to see a live taping of Studio C, to attend the Homecoming Spectacular (a fine arts performance done every year at my school for homecoming), and for the 2014 Mormon Tabernacle Christmas concert coming up in December.

So, to all my college friends out there who are much like me, completely penniless, if you are looking for fun, free dates- go out and find yourself a four-leaf clover and then enter all the "free ticket giveaways" you can find.

My Life is Routine

School started...like a month ago...can you tell? Life has been busy.

I am a terrible journal keeper.  I remember to write in it about once a month.  My initial purpose behind my blog was to motivate me to write something, however random or spur of the moment, so that key events in my life are at least recorded somewhere since they never make it to my journal.  We can see I don't do much better with my blog.  I am finally starting to understand why.

My life is routine.  Especially during the school year.  I go to school and I go to work, not always in that order.  I do homework while sitting at the same table as my boyfriend so that we both feel like we are spending quality time together.  This time is either not particularly "quality time" or not particularly productive in regards to homework.  And I sleep.  Every now and then I even remember to eat.  Day after day, my life follows this same basic pattern.  If I ever find time to break routine and do something totally crazy, it lasts for ten to fifteen minutes and then I get back to what I ought to be doing and slowly forget it.

I sat down once a week or two ago with the intent of discovering something exciting I had done that week.  I went through each day...Monday- school and work. Tuesday- more of the same.  Day after day I could recall nothing terribly interesting or out of routine.  Ready to give up and proclaim my week dull and boring, my boyfriend reminded me of the particularly delicious veggie lasagna I had made for dinner.  There it was- the highlight, the pinnacle moment of my week...a veggie lasagna.  On that note, I declared my week dull, boring, and delicious.

Fortunately, not every week is this monotonous.  Last weekend was General Conference, a bi-annual meeting of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in which modern prophets and apostles speak.  That was wonderful.  Just yesterday I won tickets to the "Homecoming Spectacular," a combined performance of the school's performing groups and a few guest performers.  And, on the thrill of my successful veggie lasagna experiment, I made a scrumptious squash bisque.

4 for 14- #1 Drive Somewhere New

My boyfriend and I were in an exploratory mood, so we drove out to Midway and wandered around to see what there is to see.  By the time I got home I was a bit to tired to shamelessly take pictures like a tourist, but that part was optional anyways.  I did, however, take pictures of Midway while I was out there.

A little cafe we stopped at for lunch. Incredible Pizza!

We wandered about the antique shops 

and found this cool door.

A memorial to all the veterans in the county.

PS- this is my 200th post! I feel so accomplished

Writer's Aversion

While taking a creative writing class during winter semester, I read Anne Lamott's opinion on writer's block in her book, Bird by Bird.  Her theory was that writer's don't really get blocked.  She felt the term "blocked" sounded like constipation, like you are filled up with something that you can't get out.  She believed instead that writers get emptied out, worn out from pouring themselves constantly into the things that they write.  We get what I shall call writer's void, an emptiness inside ourselves from which there is nothing to give.  Her solution was to step away from that which you pour yourself into and recharge.  Go on a walk, take a vacation, experience life so that you are filled again and have something to give to your work.

I think I had this "writer's void" about a month ago, maybe two.  I have since spent a great deal of time away from my computer, having fun experiences, going on several vacations, and filling myself back up.  Unfortunately, I spent a little too much time away from my writing.  I no longer have writer's void, nor do I have writer's block, I have writer's aversion.  I am so behind on experiences that need to be written about that I don't want to sit down and write.

Unfortunately, I need to write an essay for a scholarship application.  In attempting to do so, I've discovered just how rusty and reluctant I am to write.  So here I am instead, partly using my blog to get the writing juices flowing again and in more part because I'm avoiding getting back to my scholarship essay.