The Reason

I woke up today on the wrong side of the bed.  It probably didn't help that I fell asleep on the wrong side of the bed.  Point being, I wasn't in the best of moods at six o'clock this morning as I got up and began to get ready for church.  I was worn out, physically and spiritually, and really needed help.  I went to church seeking comfort and guidance so that I might fall asleep in the right place tonight.  I didn't get it.  No teacher read a scripture that seemed to speak straight to me.  No speaker gave a message that helped solve my problems.  No comments were even made that lead me to feel like God knows how I feel and inspired them to say that just for me to remind me He loves me.  Nothing...

But here is the secret- it doesn't matter.

I did not go to church today with some subconscious ultimatum.  I hadn't declared, "I'm here seeking the help I think I need and if I don't get it then I'm giving up."  I wasn't there looking for proof, thinking that if Heavenly Father didn't solve my small problem of where I get up in the morning then the whole of it wasn't true.  That was NOT what I did.

The reason I went to church this morning is because I love God.  The reason I sit in a car for an hour, going down windy mountain roads, is my love for my Heavenly Father.  Through my love for Him, He is able to strengthen me and help me see how to solve the little problems on my own.  Attending church does bring blessings, but that is not the reason I go.  I'm not showing up to church expecting immediate payment in the form of blessings I think I need.  They will come in the Lord's way and time, and then I receive the blessings I actually need.  But the blessings aren't the reason, they are more like a positive side effect.

I went to church because I love Him.  And the best part is, He loves me.  I left carrying all the same problems with which I showed up.  I came home and took a nap, still on the wrong side of the bed.  However, I know that I did the right thing today and I am reminded that my problems really aren't that big (I mean, at least I haven't yet fallen off the bed).  And several hours after the fact, He helps me remember something I barely overheard. "The most important thing is your relationship with Heavenly Father."